The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
