careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
