Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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