dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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