I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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