He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
