i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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