She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
