Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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