I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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