you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
