I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
