i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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