I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
