he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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