I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize