For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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