I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
