I will die if light touches me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize