do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He passed out mid-signature
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
