It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
