just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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