Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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