Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
