is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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