cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
