Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
