Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
