you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
