Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
