We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
