I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
