If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
