Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
