I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize