I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
