Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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