he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
