I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
