So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
