This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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