It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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