my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i drank out of a bidet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
