This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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