So drunk, too bad you don't want this
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize