Semen is not good for contacts.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
MIDGETS
????
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
