Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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