I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
