Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
