i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize