Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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