Too much gin, very little bucket
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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