I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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