I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize