And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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