6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize