drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
