i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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