Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
