I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
