OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
