what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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