It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
