my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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