I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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