Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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