I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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