that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
