He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your penis caused this!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
