woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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